Mom Loaned Her Adult Son $15,000—Now She's Behind on Her Own Bills

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Three years ago, a 45-year-old office manager gave her 24-year-old son $15,000 to help him recover from a failed business venture.

It wasn't supposed to be a gift. He told her he'd pay the money back within a year, once he found steady work.

Today, she's three months behind on her mortgage and trying to rebuild the financial cushion she lost in the process. She isn't taking her son to court or cutting him out of her life. Instead, she's changing how she handles her own money, starting with making sure her bills and savings are taken care of before she considers helping anyone else.

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It's one thing to help an adult child cover an unexpected expense. A $15,000 loan is different, particularly when the parent doesn't have enough money set aside to comfortably absorb the loss.

Family loans also have a way of becoming less formal than they should be. A promise to "pay it back next year" can sound straightforward when everyone expects things to work out. If the borrower can't repay, however, the parent can be left choosing between pursuing the money and protecting the family relationship.

There can also be tax considerations with certain family loans. IRS rules on below-market loans can apply in some circumstances, including loans made with little or no interest. The details depend on the arrangement, which is why anyone considering a substantial family loan should understand the applicable rules and document the terms.

For this mom, the bigger issue was more immediate: The $15,000 was money she ultimately needed for herself.

Once she realized she couldn't keep covering the gap on her own, she contacted her mortgage lender. The lender agreed to a short forbearance arrangement, giving her some breathing room while she worked out how to get current.

But the experience also forced her to look at how easily money was leaving her account.

She had been treating money in her checking account as flexible. If her son needed help, there was a temptation to find a way to make it work, even when doing so put pressure on her own finances.

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She started using Albert to automatically move a portion of each paycheck into savings, based on what her account could afford. She also arranged for her mortgage and utilities to be paid automatically around payday.

The idea wasn't complicated. Money needed for her own obligations had to be spoken for before she could spend it or give it away.

Automating savings doesn't magically fix a budget, but it can make saving more consistent by removing some of the decisions involved.

That's particularly useful for someone who has trouble keeping money untouched once it's sitting in a checking account. Setting aside money automatically can create a little more separation between what is available to spend and what is meant for a future obligation.

In her case, the combination of the mortgage forbearance and her new approach to managing her cash flow helped her get back on track.

Four months after putting the system in place, she says she was currently on her mortgage again and had rebuilt roughly $1,800 in savings.

That's nowhere close to replacing the $15,000 she lent her son. But after years without much of a cushion, having $1,800 set aside gave her some room to handle the next unexpected expense without immediately reaching for her savings or borrowing.

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The relationship hasn't ended over money.

Her son has started making payments of about $100 a month toward the original $15,000. At that rate, it would take 12.5 years to repay the principal, assuming there is no interest and he doesn't increase the payments.

She says she's not counting on getting all of the money back.

What has changed is her willingness to put herself in the same position again.

If her son needs help in the future, she's willing to talk through a budget, help him find resources or offer advice. She just isn't willing to write another large check while her own finances are vulnerable.

At 45, she still has time to rebuild her savings and retirement accounts. But the experience has changed how she thinks about being a financially responsible parent.

Helping her son isn't off the table. Putting her own financial security at risk to do it is.

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